Novena prayer to Saint Raymund Nonato

My mother in law gave me this novena prayer a month before I got pregnant. She recited this prayer when she was pregnant with my husband. I am sharing this to all of you because I know it helped me conceive:

Novena to St. Raymund Nonato, Protector of the Unborn Babies, Patron of Expectant Mothers and Fathers:

1st day:

My lord and my God, I humbly adore your infinite majesty, three persons in one God. I am thankful for the graces you have granted to the glorious St. Raymund. He willingly gave himself so that slaves and captives could have their freedom. His heroism was possible because you gave him the grace.

O St. Raymund, listen to my petitions and intercede before the throne of Jesus. You did not die at the womb of your dead mother and you lived to become a saint of the Lord. Listen then to my petition that my baby will come out healthy and grow to become a saint like you. Amen.

(3) Hail Mary and (3) Glory be. St Raymund Nonato pray for us.

2nd day:

My sweet Jesus, you cared for your servant St. Raymund by saving him from a certain death in the womb of his mother. You glorified him through his heroism and life as a beggar. You called this saint to a difficult life of saving the slaves and captives in the hands of the Muslims, a task which he did for your greater glory.

O dear St. Raymund, since childhood, you were close to God and you felt his presence anywhere. You knew you were called when you were still young and you sustained the interest on that calling by a life of prayer and meditation. Now in heaven, you sit at the lap of the most high and give him glory constantly. Intercede for me before Jesus that he may grant my petitions during this novena. Amen.

(3) Hail Mary and (3) Glory be. St Raymund Nonato pray for us.

3rd day:

O Mary most holy you are more of a mother than a queen. Though in your brief life on earth, you did not want special treatment from people, you want to treat your children in the most special manner. St. Raymund in the absence of her mother, called on you to be her mother and you protected him from the devil and his works.

O dear St. Raymund, your life of piety was marked by an intense dialogue with the Mother of God. She was your mother in the real sense of the word, as you looked at her for protection during your childhood days. We promise to be devotees of your Mother and we ask you to intercede for us before Jesus our petitions during this novena. Amen.

(3) Hail Mary and (3) Glory be. St Raymund Nonato pray for us.

4th day:

Lord, Jesus Christ you were disobedient to your Father and you defined your life as doing his will no matter what it costs. You want your servants to be as obedient as you are. Your servant, St. Raymund excelled in this obedience when after exhausting his money, he gave himself as a hostage to the Muslims in exchange for the freedom of certain slaves.

St. Raymund, teach us to be obedient to the Father's will. Teach us to accept our daily crosses. Guide us to the works of charity. Instill in us a holy fear and above all, a great love for God and our neighbors. Bring our petitions to the throne of Jesus. Amen.

(3) Hail Mary and (3) Glory be. St Raymund Nonato pray for us.

5th day:

Lord Jesus Christ, you told us that whatever we do to the least of our brothers, we do it unto you. Our entrance into your Kingdom will be determined by the way we serve the needy and the poor.

St. Raymund excelled in his service to others, allowing himself to become a slave in order to free as many captives as he could. He did not hesitate to spend his last treasure so that others may live. While he was honored a cardinal, he still spent his time on the streets begging for others.

St. Raymund, we are also beggars who beg your intercession so that the Lord may grant us our petitions for this novena. Intercede for us before the throne of the most High so that our petitions could be granted and we promise to help the poor and the needy the best way we can. Amen.

(3) Hail Mary and (3) Glory be. St Raymund Nonato pray for us.

6th day:

Lord Jesus Christ, you love purity and through the virginity of the Holy Mother, you blest all those who are faithful to a chaste life. St. Raymund was chaste and pure throughout his life. He offered himself to Mother Mary and made a solemn vow to imitate her in holy virginity.

Look on us with pity St. Raymund that we, too, may learn to be chaste by cleansing our minds and hearts of all impure things. Make us understand that impure thoughts become deadly once we entertain them. Help us then that we may not entertain impure thoughts and welcome only in our minds and hearts thoughts that edify our neighbors and make us closer to God. Amen.

(3) Hail Mary and (3) Glory be. St Raymund Nonato pray for us.

7th day:

Lord Jesus Christ, you did not deem equality with God as something to be looked up, but you emptied yourself and became one with us, a human being with all its imperfections, except sin. You lead us on the way of humility.

St. Raymund, you belonged to a rich and noble family. You considered your riches and nobility as garbage in comparison to what you had received as a religious. You only accepted the office of being a Cardinal because of obedience but soon after you received the honor, you went to the streets to be a beggar and beg to take care of the poor.

Lead us then to live humble existence, without reference to our positions and wealth, and see everything as a gift from God. Listen to our petitions, dear saint, and intercede for us before the throne of God who listens to you. Amen.

(3) Hail Mary and (3) Glory be. St Raymund Nonato pray for us.

8th day:

Lord Jesus Christ, you offered yourself to the Father and shed your blood to do his will. Your death is the crowning of your life totally dedicated to the Father.

O St. Raymund, you were tortured and nearly became a martyr. You survived the ordeal because your torturers wanted you more alive than dead for the ransom that they could get from you. But you were never afraid of dying and death for Jesus sake was something that you longed in your heart. Your eyes were fixed in heaven and life eternal.

Enlighten us always that reaching our eternal destiny may become our obsession. Inspire us to fix our gaze on things of heaven and never allow us to lose our sight of the things that will come. Let not the pleasures and comforts of this life suffocate our interest to join you in heaven. Amen.

(3) Hail Mary and (3) Glory be. St Raymund Nonato pray for us.

9th day:

Lord Jesus Christ, you sent your apostles to preach the gospel to all creation by words and deeds. You trusted weak human beings to carry your message across the earth and across time. You were not mistaken, for the Church is now all over the world. St. Raymund was a special apostle if his time, having converted even the Muslims to your cause.

O St. Raymund, give us the sense of urgency of sharing the good news to others as we ask you to intercede for us before Jesus. We also commit ourselves to follow in your steps as apostles who proclaim your message of salvation to the whole world. Bring out petitions to Jesus and we promise to be as zealous and sacrificing as you were, so that the good news may reach the far corners of the world. Amen.

(3) Hail Mary and (3) Glory be. St Raymund Nonato pray for us.

Happiness and paranoia...

 

I have a lot of fears and doubts. I'm scared that taking my daily multi vitamins when I was TTC which has 10,000IU of vitamin A will result in birth defect. I'm also scared that having my flu shot one week before I tested positive on my pregnancy test is bad for my babies. I'm scared that my babies will have learning disability, birth/congenital defect and autism.  I'm scared….

Yes I got the much anticipated BFP last May 4, the day AF was suppose to arrive. I was experiencing a lot of symptoms already and I have a feeling that I might be pregnant. My breasts were super sore, I had AF cramps but nothing's coming out, I had spotting 4 days before AF was suppose to arrive and then it stopped. I normally have spotting 2 days before my period and it never came and my breasts were sore. I tested at 1130AM and I got the positive result in less than a minute. I was deliriously happy. I called my hubby to tell him the good news and he was so happy. I prayed after, cried a little and prayed and give thanks some more.

I went to my doctor the following day and I can see that she was pleased. After all, our first attempt at IUI ended with a BFP! I had a blood test to confirm my pregnancy. She texted me the result after 2 days confirming my pregnancy and it's possible that I might be carrying twins! Twins! God is really good, he gave me not one but two babies. But of course I don’t want to keep my hopes up, the ultrasound will confirm everything, I'll have it on May 24.

My doctor said not to worry about the flu shot and there were no restrictions on my diet or beauty regimen. I can drink coffee in moderation, I can put on my usual moisturizer as long as I don’t use products with retinol. And then I asked doctor Google, that's when I got paranoid.

I shouldn’t stop worrying, I know. I should enjoy my pregnancy and think happy thoughts. I won’t Google anymore, I won't read about birth defects or autism. I will continue to pray my novenas and I know God will give me healthy babies.  I am such a worry freak!

I just want to share my story to all the couples trying to conceive out there. There is hope, I've been married for almost 6 years. I had PCOS, slightly tilted cervix and DH has low sperm count. But with patience and prayers, we are now finally pregnant. Keep the faith and believe that a miracle is already on the way.  God really is good and he will grant your wishes. Believe and keep the faith.

My unforgettable IUI experience...

I'm sorry I wasn't able to write anything for the past few weeks. I'm trying to relax and think happy thoughts. But I'm back and I wanted to share my horrifying IUI experience… but it's not same for everyone. Mine was an isolated case, it turned out I have a stubborn cervix. Let me start at the beginning….

April 21, 2012:

My whole IUI experience was painful, from the waiting of my hubby's washed sperm until the day after the procedure. I forgot how my Hysterosalpingography (HSG) hurts and I told myself I don't want to undergo an IUI procedure anymore because of that. But I said to myself how easy it would be and a lot of people are saying that it doesn't hurt, "it feels uncomfortable but never painful". Yeah right, the procedure for me was pure torture. But I was already in pain before the procedure. My doctor told me that hubby's SA is very low. After all those vitamins and supplements, his count got worse. I'm trying not think about it because my doctor was saying that we only need one strong sperm to fertilize my egg but after all the researched I did, I can't help but feel disappointed.  And then there I was ready for insemination and I kept on thinking please oh please don't use the speculum. Using the evil clamp like thing means there is something wrong. As it turned out, the canal connecting my cervix and uterus is tilted. That's why hubby's tadpoles are having a hard time reaching my uterus because of the labyrinth they have to go through. My doctor was saying sorry every step of the way because she knows how painful it is. For one, when she inserted the spoon like clamp inside me, no lubricant was used (lubricant kills the sperm). Then I have a tilted cervix so inserting the thin like catheter, proves to be a challenge. She used the speculum and then this silver rod or stick then I stopped looking. It was really uncomfortable and painful and I keep on thinking when it will finally be over. I just want to get out of there. Finally when the sperm was inseminated, my doctor also breathes a sigh of relief and told me it’s over. She called DH in to keep me company and I lay there with pillows under my butt for 20-30 minutes. There I was with the catheter still inside me and DH and I were being silly laughing because of it. Then we looked around my doctor's room and can't help but laughed about silly stuff. Like what if DH sits on the doctor's chair and write on her prescription pads. And just like that the horrifying experience went out of the window and I was glad I did the procedure. I'll always be thankful that I have a wonderful doctor who understands what I'm going through and a husband who loves and supports me dearly. I walked out the hospital with abdominal cramps and back ache but I was really looking forward to the result.

The past 2 days I was bleeding from the procedure but my doctor said it was to be expected because of the pinching of my cervix. I tried to think happy thoughts, my novena to St. Clare, St Raymund of Nonato, praying the rosary and praying to God helped me throughout the journey. I don’t know if I can still go through another month if ever this procedure is unsuccessful. But I told myself, this is it. If I don’t get pregnant then I have to go on with my life and lift everything to God. He knows what is best for us and If I'm not yet destined to be pregnant, who I am to argue and rebel? I lift everything to God and we did our part. He loves us and he wants the best for us. For now all I can do is pray, wait and on hold to my faith.

The day before my IUI procedure

Had my follicle monitoring yesterday, friggin' doctor was 1 hour late. After changing my clothes, I was asked to lay down with my legs open. And guess what? The doctor was still on the phone and I still waited for another 15 minutes before he started the procedure. WTF?!? Anyway I guess I should be happy with the result. CD14 and I have 3 dominant follicles measuring 21mm and two 17mm's. I'm a bit sad though because the two dominant follicles came from my right ovary, such a waste! But I'm still thankful that the biggest follicle is on my left so there's still hope. I actually have 15 follicles in total, but the rest are small (5mm-10mm). My doctor gave me the remaining shot of Puregon because there's still a small amount left. She also congratulated me for a job well done, I was able to inject myself and there's no visible bruise on my belly. I am hoping that the last Puregon shot will make my remaining follies bigger.

Today I had my trigger shot at 2pm and tomorrow at pass 12 noon, I'll have the IUI procedure. I am hoping that the timing is accurate. From what I've been reading, the perfect timing for IUI is 36 hours after the trigger shot. I'll have mine at 22 hours so I'm a little bit concern. According to doctor Google, washed sperms only live for 12-24hrs and they lose their potency after 6 hours of insemination. So if you do the math, my IUI timing is way early. I'm crossing my fingers though and I'm praying for a successful procedure. I should stop myself for reading too many articles and over analyzing things. I should trust my doctor because she knows best. I should trust GOD and pray hard for a miracle.

Tomorrow's the big dayJ Pray for me please..  

Puregon up close and personal...

I went to my OB gyne yesterday and was given a Puregon shot. I also bought the kit which contained 5 needles and 250IU of Puregon, it's safely packed in an ice filled lunch box type container.  I can't believe I'll be injecting myself with this. It looks easy, I was taught how to and my doctor was very patient in answering all my questions. She said, she'll gladly do the injection herself but I need to travel everyday to the hospital and it's going to be expensive and tiring. She instructed me to place the kit inside the refrigerator and inject myself with 50IU every day. Timing is also important, I need to inject myself the same time every day.

I did a lot of research and found out that Puregon is Follistim in other countries. It also has a high success rate compared to Clomid. The alarming thing that I read though is the high rate of ectopic pregnancy from using it and I only have one patent tube so I'm hoping I won't end up losing both.  I wrote down all the instructions given to me by my Doctor but just in case I'll forget I found this helpful website with a step by step instruction on how to inject oneself with Puregon. Here's the link: http://www.ivfworldwide.com/Education/instructions-to-inject-of-puregon.html. I am hoping I'll be able to produce good quality eggs this cycle. I'm also helping myself lose weight. I'm not eating rice, pasta or bread at night and I'm exercising 30 minutes every day. Hopefully all these will help me achieve my much awaited BFP.

Unfortunately my hubby wasn't able to have his SA last weekend, the clinic was closed when we went there. It sucks because I called them days before to inquire if they will be open and they said yes. I wish his count and motility increased, we need at least 10million motile sperm to raise our chance of success with IUI. I'm quite excited about the procedure next week, I'm trying not to get too excited though.

Until my next post, I'll keep you guys updated.

My IUI journey...

Another unsuccessful cycle, AF came today, on time as always. I asked my husband 2 days before if he will agree on undergoing Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) this month and he agreed. He asked if there is another option beside IUI, I said we could always wait and do it the normal way, no drugs no scheduled Bd (baby dance= baby making). He answered, well then we should do IUI. He was right of course, he's always right. But then I thought about the expenses and suddenly I had second thoughts. I will be spending approximately Php30,000 for the whole procedure, I can buy a lot of things from that amount. I can buy a Tiffany chain bracelet, a pink blackberry 8250, a gym membership and a new set of  clothes. I'll have all those things and those things I can hold, I can use and wear. If I don't get pregnant from IUI, I'll only have tears, a broken heart, resentment, anger and loss. Would I be able to go through another cycle? We went to church to attend the Sunday mass after our conversation and I wasn't asking for signs. Well I was suppose to ask for signs but I can't think of one so I said to myself, If my OB will go to work on Holy Wednesday then we will go for IUI. Inside the church, there were a lot of people probably because it's Palm Sunday (the beginning of the Lenten season which is a big deal in our country, since 80% of the population is Catholic) and a lot of kids are pestering the adults, laughing, having fun. A lot of ugly kids (sorry!) as well but I was just smiling at all of them. Well I was frowning at first then I don't know what happened, I just watched them and wish that I have my own dirty kid to pester me. In short, I went to my OB today and yes we will proceed with IUI this month.

Since I already finished 3 cycles of Clomid, this time I asked for injectable. Also I read that there are higher success rates of IUI with injectable than Clomid. Injectable drug produces more quality follicles than Clomid and the more the merrier. It's more expensive though and well I have to inject myself with the drug but I'll do anything to have a baby. Here's my schedule this month:

*  Day 1- First day of period, went to the OB

*  Day 3- Take Ovamit (much cheaper than Clomid) 2x a day. She explained why I have to take Clomid again but I wasn't really listening (sheessh)

*  Day 4 or 6- Hubby's SA

*  Day 8- Doctor's appointment, Tutorial on injecting oneself with drugs 101.
   Take Premarin 3x/day

*  Day 8 to 14- Injectable (I can do this!)

*  Day 14- Follicle monitoring

*   Day 15 or 16- IUI

           *   Day 15- Take duphaston 1x/day
           
           *   Day 28- Last day of drinking medicines

I'm going to very busy this month, I love it! Here's the estimated cost for the procedure:

*    Oral Medication- Ovamit (2x/day for 5 days= 10 pcs @ Php 100 = Php 1,000), Premarin (3x/day for 20 days= 63 pcs @ Php33= Php 2,079), Duphaston (1x/day for 14 days= 14pcs @ Php56= Php 784) Total of Php3,863

*        IUI procedure at Victory Art= Php12,000 (inclusive of doctor's fee)

*        Injectable- name of the medicine to follow and dosage= Php 13,000

It's super expensive, I know but IVF is more expensive. I pray we don't have to do IVF. But I'm actually looking forward to the procedure this month. I wish I'll be able to produce a lot of good quality follicles, 3 on my left and 1 on my right. I also pray that hubby will be able to produce good quality swimmers. The timing is also crucial to make it successful so I hope my doctor will do a great job in pointing out the correct time. Everything I achieved, I work hard for and now even at becoming pregnant, I accepted the fact that I too will work hard to get it.

Prayers, faith and hard work will make anything possible.

Am I or am I not? The early pregnancy symptoms...

It's been almost 15 days since I've posted something. I didn't get a job although I've been sending my CV to companies and every time I received a decline letter I breathe a sigh of relief.  I actually don't know what to write today, would you like to hear about my two week symptoms? I don't think it's going to help me get pregnant but this is what the blog is all about.  

I'm on my 27th day since I had my first period and so far so good. Good means I have constant high Body Basal Temperature (BBT). High is 37Celcius and it gets higher in the afternoon. Although today it dropped to 36.8C and I am praying it doesn't go any lower. Having a constant elevated BBT means increase in progesterone. Progesterone is what maintains a healthy pregnancy. Normally BBT increases around the time of ovulation and drops if AF (aunt flo= period) is on the way. But before I get excited my BBT should stay elevated for 18 days after ovulation. If my calculation is correct and if I really ovulated on CD (cycle date) 17 then I still have 8 days left. It's too early to get excited. My breasts are sore which is also symptom that AF is coming. I thought it wasn't that sore but yesterday just to prove to myself that I'm not imagining the pain, I jumped, and boy it sure is painful. There's also pain on my left and right ovary which comes and goes. But there's no heightened sense of smell this month which is weird because I really have a good nose. The past few days are just like last month, emotionally draining. I still keep on obsessing about it, I can't stop myself. Thank God for forums and support groups and writing, it somehow eases the pain.

I'm still maintaining a positive attitude and I have my faith to hold on to. Hopefully by next week I'll be posting an image of my very first positive pregnancy test. Just thinking about it makes me smile, that's something to look forward to.

Novena to the Infant Jesus (Sto.Nino)

As promised here's a very powerful novena prayer to Sto.Nino:

Novena to Sto. Nino ( Infant Jesus):

1st day: O admirable Jesus! I know that your beauty attracts the hearts of people who have the privilege to see you. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises with the choir of Angels. And I ask you to inflame my heart in order to love you with unchangeable and burning love and thus I may be worthy of the glory of heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Infant Jesus, who came down from the bosom of the Father for our salvation, teach us how to be kind to our fellowmen. If we love each other, we shall be giving a sure proof that we belong to you. You said "By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you love one another". O Divine Infant Jesus, in your infinite goodness and kindness, listen to my humble petition; and if it be pleasing to you, grant my intention/s in this novena (mention them here). Help me, sweet Infant Jesus, for without you I can do nothing. Amen.

               Gentle Infant Jesus, I trust you! Mother of Mercy, pray for us.

2nd day: O sweet infant Jesus, your first house on earth was a cave, and your first companions were the animals. You did not mind enduring the cold and humidity of that cave and enjoyed the company of sheep, cattle and goats. You who created the heavens and the earth share the joys of the shepherd Divine Infant Jesus, in your simplicity, listen to my humble petition/s(mention them here      ). Help me, Infant Jesus, for without you, I can do nothing. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O sweet Infant Jesus, teach me the virtue of true humility. As you increased in wisdom and grace during your life in Nazareth, grant me an increase of blessings. Hear my prayer, most loving Jesus; and, if it be pleasing to you, and beneficial to me, grant my petitions in this novena (mention them here). Help me always to remember that the humble shall be exalted, and the proud shall be turned away empty. Grant me the grace in obtaining the rest to my soul which you have promised to all those who listen to your loving invitation. Amen.

               O Blessed Virgin Mary, our Immaculate Mother, pray for us! Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

3rd day: O sweet Infant Jesus! I know that because of your love for humanity, you do not deny help to everyone approaching you. You listen attentively to us because you know our needs and problems, even before saying them to you I ask you to help me become a better follower. Make me stubborn in resisting temptation and evil so that I may grow in holiness and mature in your love. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               Eternal Father, I offer to you honor and glory, for my eternal salvation and for the salvation of the world, the mystery of the infancy of your only-begotten Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. We thank you for your infinite love in sending him into this world as our Savior and Redeemer. And you, O Holy Infant Jesus, conceived in the womb of the Blessed Virgin Mary, through the work of the Holy Spirit, teach me to love you more and more. If it be for my greater honor and glory and the salvation of my soul, I humbly implore you to grant my earnest petition/s in this novena (mention them here). Sweet Infant Jesus, I place my confidence in you. Amen.

               O Blessed Virgin Mary, our immaculate Mother, pray for us! Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

4th day: O miraculous Jesus! I know that your light drives away the darkness of ignorance, and illuminates human heart and spirit. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion and sing in your honor the Divine Praises. I ask you to illuminate always my mind and my actions with your light in order that I may not stray far from the straight path and thus I may be worthy of the glory of Heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Divine Infant Jesus, you obeyed perfectly your Heavenly Father in all things. Teach me how to obey all your commandments. You were pleased to be born in a cave to free me from the darkness of sin; now graciously draw me unto you, and lend an attentive ear to my fervent supplication. If it be for your greater glory and the salvation of my soul, I humbly pray that you may grant the petition/s in this novena (mention them here). O Holy Infant, I adore you as my Creator and Redeemer, I acknowledge you as my King and Lord. Set me on fire with your love, and accept the tribute of all the affections of my poor heart. Help me to live a life worthy of your Divine Promises. Amen

               O Blessed Virgin Mary, our Immaculate Mother, pray for us! Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

5th Day: O powerful Jesus, I know that your grandeur sparkles with miracles which you demonstrated while on earth. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises with the choirs of angels in heaven. And I ask you to grant me virtues like cleanliness, goodness, and piousness which may constitute my shield against temptations, and this I may be worthy of the glory of heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Sweet Infant Jesus, you who came upon earth to teach us the way to heaven, enkindle in my heart the love of mortification, self-denial and penance. Help me to make sacrifices to gain and retain your grace. Make my soul become an altar on which I may offer you the sacrifice of my acts of mortifications. Listen, Divine Infant Jesus, to my trustful supplication. If it be pleasing to you and beneficial to my soul, grant me the intention/s in this novena (mention them here). Teach me how to fulfill your will here on earth, that one day I may come to enjoy your infinite loveliness in heaven. Amen

               Sweet Infant Jesus, have mercy on us. Mary, Queen of Martyrs, pray for us.

6th Day: O most Holy Jesus! I know that your omnipotence prevails over the hearts of men and women, inasmuch as it is created by love and greatness. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises with the choirs of angels. And I ask you to grant my desire to comply always with your commandments, and thus I may be worthy of the glory of Heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Holy Infant Jesus, I thank you for all the sufferings which you endured in this mortal life for me. At your birth, a humble manger was your cradle. Your entire life was spent among the poor, and it was for them that your greatest miracles were performed. O Prince of Peace, Redeemer of mankind, the very Son of God, I recommend my earnest petition/s to you in this novena (mention them here). Teach me to be poor in spirit that I may receive the blessed reward which you have promised. Enlighten my mind, strengthen my will, and inflame my heart with love for you. Amen.

               Mother of God, pray for me! O Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

7th day: O sweet Jesus! I know that your humility made it possible for you as the Son of God to be seated at the right hand of the Father. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises. And I ask you to allow your greatness to reside in my heart and soul, and thus I may be worthy of the glory of Heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Sweet Infant Jesus, you emptied your heart for love of me, give me a new heart with which to love you. Make known to my spirit the excellence and power of your Holy Name, so that in all the trials of this life I may pronounce it with confidence and with love. Be pleased to lend an attentive ear to my suppliant prayer; and, if it be for your glory and good of my soul, grant me the petition/s in this novena (mention them here). Now, as I leave you, gently child Jesus, help me to remember that you are our All.

               O affectionate Jesus! I know that your love for humankind is without comparison, and this is proven by your help and protection to those who have faith in you. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises with the chorus of the Seraphim's that ardently love God. And I ask you that my love for you should not diminish so that I may never forget God, and thus I may be worthy of the glory of Heaven. Amen

               Mother of God, pray for me! O Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

8th Day: O Sweet Jesus, you know how firmly I believe in your words. You promised us eternal life, and I am obsessed to reach heaven which you give to all your faithful followers. Let me always think of heaven as my final home and let me now lose my way due to sin. Thank you for the graces you have given me throughout this novena, and may your words enlighten my mind and heart as I continue to walk as a pilgrim towards your kingdom. Amen

               Concluding Prayer

               O Sweet Infant Jesus, keep me faithful to you in every circumstance of my life, and keep me from all the occasions of sin. Knowing that you are faithful to all your promises, I am certain of receiving your priceless blessings every time I honor you. Inspire me to ask for only those graces which are in keeping with your Divine Will. As I confidently present my earnest petition/s, open the door of your merciful heart while I knock with faith and confidence (mention them here).

               Remember sweet Infant Jesus that you have promised to give whatever we ask in your Name. Now, relying upon your infinite goodness and promises I hope to obtain the pardon of my sins, the help of your grace, and life everlasting through your Divine Merits, as my lord and Redeemer. Amen.

               Mother of God, pray for me! O Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

9th Day: O wise Jesus! I know that your wisdom was already admired, when as a child, you were lost and then found sitting among and discussing with the wise men in the Temple.

               For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises with the choirs of the Cherubs. And I ask you to grant me wisdom that I may not be deceived by the tricks of  the devil, and thus I may be worthy of the glory in Heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Holy Infant Jesus, you may reveal yourself to little ones, show me your mercy and compassion. While venerating this scared mystery of your mortal life, grant that I may learn to exercise this noble virtue of mercy toward my fellow beings for the love for you. Look mercifully upon me as I kneel before you and implore your powerful assistance. If it be for your greater glory and the good of my soul, I humbly entreat you to grant my petition/s in this novena (mention them here). Teach me to be merciful for you have said: "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy". Amen.

               Mother of God, pray for me! O Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!  

I started praying St. Clare's and the Sto.Nino novena for 9 days yesterday, it gives me strength and I feel that I am not alone in this. I stopped going to Quiapo church though, in this weather I'll get sick and I don't want that especially now that I'm trying to conceive. But if I get pregnant, I'll go there for sure and attend mass.  For now, I am praying the rosary, saying my novenas and praying very hard that God will grant my request this cycle.

St. Clare's Relic

The transport strike didn’t stop me from going to my Ob gyne today but before that, I went to the small chapel inside Megamall to pray and touch the relic of St. Clare.  When I heard that St. Clare's relic is in the country, I was really hoping that I would be able to see it. St. Clare is the Patron Saint of Obando where childless couple dance in the hope that their petition will be granted. She also has a monastery in Katipunan where people offer her eggs in exchange for a good weather. I was really thrilled to learn that her relic is here in the Philippines for two months, by the way she came all the way from Italy. My mom is named after her and she told me that she prayed to St. Clare for a good husband and she gave her my dad. So here I am praying for St. Clare's intercession and hopefully she will answer our petition right away. I also bought her 9 day novena prayer, for those of you interested, let me share her novena prayer:

Novena of Saint Clare of Assisi:

1st Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               O Seraphic Saint Clare, first disciple of the Poor Man of Assisi, who has abandoned all riches and honors for a life of sacrifice and of highest poverty, obtain for us from God the grace we ask( mention petition/s here) and that we too may always submit to the Divine Will and live confidently in the providence of our Heavenly Father. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

2nd Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               O Seraphic Saint Clare who, though living separated from the world, have not forgotten the poor and the afflicted but have even become a mother to them, sacrificing for them your riches and working for them innumerable miracles, obtain from God for us the grace we implore(mention petition/s here). We also ask you to give us Christian charity towards our brethren in all their spiritual and temporal needs. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

3rd Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               O Seraphic Saint Clare, light of your country you who delivered Assisi from barbarous invaders, obtain from God for us the grace we implore (mention petition/s here), that of overcoming all attacks of the world against faith and morals we may as well preserve in our families true Christian peace with a holy fear of God, and a devotion to the Blessed Sacrament. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

4th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               Blessed Saint Clare, whose very name means light, may you illumine the darkness of our minds and hearts so that we might see what God wishes us to do, and perform it with a willing and joyful heart. Before your birth, a heavenly voice foretold that you would be a light illuminating the world. Be a light to us amidst the sorrows and anxieties of this earthly life, and lead us into the eternal light of our home in heaven. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

5th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               O Seraphic Saint Clare, whose virginal heart was great enough to love the whole world, take our petitions into your pure hands and present them to God. Pray for us that we may one day enter joyously before the throne of God. Let the light of your perfect purity consume the shadows of sin and corruption that darkens the world. Intercede by your innocence for our youth. Safeguard the peace of our homes and the unity of our family. Plead with your chaste love for all in peril. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

6th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               Generous St. Clare, who left wealth and pleasure and all earthly goods to become the first spiritual daughter of Saint Francis and to serve God in the cloister, help us to commit our lives to God without limit or measure so that he may live in us and shine forth from us to all whose lives we touch. You, who loved souls so much as to make your life a continual sacrifice for them, obtain for us the graces we now implore and win for us the strength to praise God in suffering as well as in joy. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

7th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               Faithful St. Clare, loyal daughter of the Church, friend and confidante of popes, intercede for the holy Church and look graciously from heaven on our Holy Father. Enlighten us to remove from our souls all that hinders the progress of the Church on earth. Grant that we may share your great love for the Church and spread his kingdom on earth by a holy life. You, who worked miracles in the presence of the popes on earth, obtain for us the graces we need, now that you stand in the presence of the most high God in heaven. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

8th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               Valiant Saint Clare, who fearlessly stood alone against the barbarous soldiers, trusting in the Blessed Sacrament as your only protection, enkindle in us a tender love for Jesus Christ; help us to live Eucharistic lives, You who saved your city of Assisi from plunder and ruin, protect our city and archdiocese, plead for our country and the suffering world. A voice from the Sacred Host rewarded your trust with a promise, "I will always take care of you". Glorius Saint Clare, from your high place in heaven, take care of us now in our earthly needs and guide us by your light to heaven. Amen.          

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

9th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               Gracious Saint Clare, who fulfilled your womanhood by a life of love in prayers and penance, help us to fulfill our destiny that we may one day greet you in heaven. You, who were consoled at your death by a vision of Christ and his Mother, obtain for us the grace that we may die under the special protection of God, and enter into the life and bliss you now enjoy. Have pity on us, who struggle, on us who mourn, and win for us the favors of God so that after this life, we may come home to him who lives and reigns forever and ever. Amen

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

For those of you who may want to see her relic, I heard that she will be at St. Clare's monastery in Katipunan on April 23, 2012. Call the church just to be sure.  St. Clare is only here for two months and she's been going around the country so this may be your once in a lifetime chance to touch her. I'll share the novena for the Infant Jesus (Sto.Nino) here tomorrow.

Back to my doctor's appointment, I was scheduled to have my Tvs today and I was really praying that increasing my Ovamit's usage will result to more maturing follicles. My ultrasound shows that I have 3 dominant follicles, yahoo!  One on the right which measures, 1.23 x 1.38 x 1.12 cm (1.09 cc). and two on the left, the largest is 1.79 x 1.58 x 1.65cm (2.28 cc), the 2nd largest follicle measures 1.13 x 1.04 cm. I excitedly showed the result to my OB and she said we can't proceed with IUI. I was so disappointed but she explained that by injecting Pregnyl, only one of the follicles will burst, the two will shrink. And I have three follicles it will be a waste if we proceed with IUI. So she suggested that this cycle we'll go back to basics, timed BD. Who am I to argue, she knows what she's talking about and I should just trust her. Not proceeding with IUI also saves me around Php14,000 so I shouldn't feel bad.

I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying hard for a miracle.

Useless, worthless

It's hard to deal with unemployment. The funny thing is I opted to quit my job. I wanted to spend more time with my hubby and open up my own business. I felt like the stress is killing me slowly and we are hoping that in doing so, we would finally have a baby.

But I miss earning money and being productive. I'm actually having nightmares about my previous jobs and I wake up thinking if I did the right thing. I have to think of a new business venture. When I was still working I had tons of business ideas. Now that I'm unemployed I still can't think of the right business venture for me. I mean I did, but we don't have enough money for the franchise and I don't want to risk the little savings we have left. So I must think of a business venture that doesn't include franchising and as much as possible includes a small capital.

What about going back to work? I thought of this, a thousand times over and the answer is, no. I don’t want to start all over again and I'm too old to land a good job. I can only apply for a call center agent job and as much as I wanted to, I'm not fit for that kind of environment.

So what must I do? My gut tells me that I should stick with the plan. Have a baby and start my own business. If I'll able to do both, I will be deliriously happy. So I went back to my doctor last week. She was really sympathetic, she suggested IUI and though I'm having second thoughts maybe I'll give it a try. The cost is quite high and I feel for my husband but I was desperate. I was given a higher dose of Clomiphene, 3x/day for 5 days cd3-7. Premarin 3x/day from cd7-28 and Duphaston 1x/day from cd 13-28. I'll have my Tvs on cd12 which I think is way too early. I usually have my tvs done by cd13. If ever both ovaries are ovulating then that's the time that I think I'll have my Pregnyl shot and proceed with IUI next Saturday, cd 15. I'm quite apprehensive, I think the procedure is way too early. From what I researched, washed sperms only survive for 24 hours and IUI should be done 6 hours prior to ovulation to get a higher success rate. I'm also asking for a sign if we should proceed, ovulating on both ovaries with more than 1 follicle is what we are aiming for.

I'm also sick with the flu. I don't know where I caught the bug but I'm trying to rest and take plenty of liquids and Vitamin C so I don't have to go the doctor. If I don't feel better by next week then we have no choice but to postpone the procedure.

I wish I can get out of this misery. I am plagued with worry and doubts.

Here we go again...

'Lo and behold here comes AF. I was crying my heart out yesterday when I started spotting and I knew we didn't make it this month. But I still took the test this morning and as usual there's only one line and then came the cramps and more blood. I won't be going to my usual work up this month. It's too much for me and I don't want to stress myself with the timing Bd, medicines and hope. I'll try taking Fertility Blend this month, I bought 3 bottles of this and I still haven't started. I don't want to waste money especially now that I'm not bringing any money in. I'll Bd with passion this month and I'll try not to think about it too much. I'll also focus on starting a small business so I won't feel useless and get depress. I'll be pregnant too, maybe not this year but soon. If not, we can always adopt.

Still waiting..

The suspense is killing me. It's CD28 and I still don't have any spotting. Normally by this time I do, thanks to Duphaston. I had vivid dreams for 3 days now but aside from that I don't feel any symptoms. My temperature is back to normal even the pressure on my right side ovary is gone. This sucks, if I'm pregnant I should be feeling a lot of symptoms by now. Pero baka naman wala talaga akong symptoms pero pregnant pala ako. Ang sarap isipin. If only this waiting game is a book or a movie, I could jump from one chapter to the next or I can press fast forward. But this is real life and I have to wait just like everybody else.

I should be concentrating on thinking about the small business I'd like to put up. My husband is actually nagging me about it but I just shrugged him off. I can't concentrate, all I did for the past 2 days is to look for a church and restaurant for our future baby's christening. I must be going out of my mind.

I like this better though, the anticipation. It's better than disappointment or misery. At least at this stage there's still hope, I haven't tested yet but it makes me look forward to Cd31. Throughout this experience, it made me trust God even more. I know he loves me and there's always a reason why this things are happening. I should learn to trust and let go and lift everything to him.

I will wait for March 3 before I test, my OB says so and well I don't think I can bare another negative PT. I should be patient, maybe this time I'll be rewarded.

Agony...

3 more days to go, I want to freeze time but at the same time I also I wish it's the 29th already. My breasts are sleeping, it's not painful anymore, I need to give it a squeeze before I can feel pain. I'm gassy, I easily get hungry and my left side ovary feels heavy as if I'll be ovulating anytime soon. It really sucks waiting for something that might or might not happen. I find myself evaluating or searching the internet every time I feel a new symptom. I'm always associating my symptoms to early signs of pregnancy but maybe all these are signs of the upcoming Af. I'm trying my best not to think about it too much, I don't want to keep my hopes up but what can I do.. I really want to get pregnant. I want it so much it hurts.

Hubby and I went car shopping today. For the past 3 months, hubby is looking for his perfect car. Finding the perfect car for him is like my ttc journey. Obsess kami sa dalawang magka ibang bagay. Nakakatawa lang , para sa akin ang baby ang makakapag kumpleto ng pagkababae ko and I guess para sa kanya ang magandang kotse ang makakapag kumpleto ng pagka lalake nya. But he's been the best husband ever so who am I to deny him of his obsession?

Right now I don't know if I can still go back to my OB next week and take those fertility medicines again. I know I'm being unreasonable for giving up so soon but I just can't imagine myself doing the same thing all over. Maybe I should just relax next month and try to enjoy the moment.

Que sera sera, whatever will be will be…