Still waiting..

The suspense is killing me. It's CD28 and I still don't have any spotting. Normally by this time I do, thanks to Duphaston. I had vivid dreams for 3 days now but aside from that I don't feel any symptoms. My temperature is back to normal even the pressure on my right side ovary is gone. This sucks, if I'm pregnant I should be feeling a lot of symptoms by now. Pero baka naman wala talaga akong symptoms pero pregnant pala ako. Ang sarap isipin. If only this waiting game is a book or a movie, I could jump from one chapter to the next or I can press fast forward. But this is real life and I have to wait just like everybody else.

I should be concentrating on thinking about the small business I'd like to put up. My husband is actually nagging me about it but I just shrugged him off. I can't concentrate, all I did for the past 2 days is to look for a church and restaurant for our future baby's christening. I must be going out of my mind.

I like this better though, the anticipation. It's better than disappointment or misery. At least at this stage there's still hope, I haven't tested yet but it makes me look forward to Cd31. Throughout this experience, it made me trust God even more. I know he loves me and there's always a reason why this things are happening. I should learn to trust and let go and lift everything to him.

I will wait for March 3 before I test, my OB says so and well I don't think I can bare another negative PT. I should be patient, maybe this time I'll be rewarded.

Agony...

3 more days to go, I want to freeze time but at the same time I also I wish it's the 29th already. My breasts are sleeping, it's not painful anymore, I need to give it a squeeze before I can feel pain. I'm gassy, I easily get hungry and my left side ovary feels heavy as if I'll be ovulating anytime soon. It really sucks waiting for something that might or might not happen. I find myself evaluating or searching the internet every time I feel a new symptom. I'm always associating my symptoms to early signs of pregnancy but maybe all these are signs of the upcoming Af. I'm trying my best not to think about it too much, I don't want to keep my hopes up but what can I do.. I really want to get pregnant. I want it so much it hurts.

Hubby and I went car shopping today. For the past 3 months, hubby is looking for his perfect car. Finding the perfect car for him is like my ttc journey. Obsess kami sa dalawang magka ibang bagay. Nakakatawa lang , para sa akin ang baby ang makakapag kumpleto ng pagkababae ko and I guess para sa kanya ang magandang kotse ang makakapag kumpleto ng pagka lalake nya. But he's been the best husband ever so who am I to deny him of his obsession?

Right now I don't know if I can still go back to my OB next week and take those fertility medicines again. I know I'm being unreasonable for giving up so soon but I just can't imagine myself doing the same thing all over. Maybe I should just relax next month and try to enjoy the moment.

Que sera sera, whatever will be will be…

I got thin using Pregnyl (HCG) shot!

I've been monitoring my weight for months now. I used to weight 112lbs since last year but my normal weight when I was still working was 110lbs. I gained weight I think after taking all these fertility medicines. From 112lbs I gained 2.4lbs and then last week 5 days after the Pregnyl shot my weight ballooned to 120lbs! Yesterday I weight myself again and it was down to 112.4lbs, today I am down to 110lbs. What a great way to lose weight! I read about HCG being use in weight loss programs. It is very controversial though and according to the American Medical Association, it's neither safe nor effective to use HCG as an aid for weight loss. But who am I to judge this drug? I am just happy that though I eat like a pig, I still lost 4lbs. Sad thing though, does this mean that our fertility work up this month is unsuccessful? I'm on my dpo8 and so far all my symptoms are associated to PMS. I don’t want to think about it, I need to get busy until next week. Pero super basa pa rin ako ng mga two weeks wait forum at syempre feeling buntis nanaman ako. I went to Quiapo Church today and prayed, I can't help but cry every time I go there. There's a lot of people but I can still feel the presence of God. Merun kaseng church na kahit anong ganda or kahit anong tahimik hindi ko mafeel yung presence ni God. Pero sa Quiapo church sobra kong nararamdaman yung presence kahit na mainit puno ng tao at naamoy ko ang pawis ng tao sa harap ko. Kahit pa sisiksikan, pag tumingin ako sa altar talaga namang naluluha ako. Kahit super traffic at init papunta dun kanina pagkatapos ko magsimba, ok na lahat ulit di ko na naramdaman ang pagod.


I therefore conclude that having a fertility work up has its advantages. My PCOS' gone in just two months of taking Clomid, I don't experience hair loss anymore and now weight loss. Work up's may be expensive but it’s definitely worth it.

The beginning of a new adventure

I can't believe I am actually writing a blog. I guess I thought, If I could write my feelings, it will somehow ease the pain.


Most of my friends, ex officemates, relatives or even neighbors are pregnant. Everyone I know is pregnant except me. I sacrificed a lot, forget about the things I love to do just to get pregnant. I quit smoking, quit my job, quit drinking coffee, quit meeting up friends for coffee, quit drinking alcohol, quit meeting friends for a late night gimmick and worrying about silly things. Instead I try not to stress myself, read pregnancy books and websites for tips, go to my OB gyne religiously, go to church, be a good wife, drink my meds and pray, pray, I pray for a miracle every single day.


Once upon a time I have a career, I was earning a good amount of money and traveling everywhere. The traveling part is restricted to airport terminals and the view outside the plane but I love it. I loved it... being away from my husband and not having a life outside my job made me decide to shift to another job. I became a recruiter, talking non stop, giving hope to applicants... offering them a job and stability. I loved it, but soon the working hours and working 6 days a week took it's toll to my marriage and yes my baby making plans. So I quit, I told myself I am going to open up a home based business and really focus on baby making. I lied, well I had the home based business I earned a little but eventually boredom took place and I find myself looking for alternative source of income. I went to real estate, found out that it's not my thing and afterwards went to Europe to travel with my husband. What I lied about is the baby making promise. Yes sure we bd'd on and off but just like my previous visits to different OB gyne's, I failed to go back after the first visit or after receiving the lab results. It took 10 long months before I decided to finally start our baby making journey and I never look back ever since.


I am hoping that this blog will help me through my journey and just like all the women I knew who started writing blogs then got pregnant after.. I wish and pray that I too will eventually become preggers (pregnant).