Am I or am I not? The early pregnancy symptoms...

It's been almost 15 days since I've posted something. I didn't get a job although I've been sending my CV to companies and every time I received a decline letter I breathe a sigh of relief.  I actually don't know what to write today, would you like to hear about my two week symptoms? I don't think it's going to help me get pregnant but this is what the blog is all about.  

I'm on my 27th day since I had my first period and so far so good. Good means I have constant high Body Basal Temperature (BBT). High is 37Celcius and it gets higher in the afternoon. Although today it dropped to 36.8C and I am praying it doesn't go any lower. Having a constant elevated BBT means increase in progesterone. Progesterone is what maintains a healthy pregnancy. Normally BBT increases around the time of ovulation and drops if AF (aunt flo= period) is on the way. But before I get excited my BBT should stay elevated for 18 days after ovulation. If my calculation is correct and if I really ovulated on CD (cycle date) 17 then I still have 8 days left. It's too early to get excited. My breasts are sore which is also symptom that AF is coming. I thought it wasn't that sore but yesterday just to prove to myself that I'm not imagining the pain, I jumped, and boy it sure is painful. There's also pain on my left and right ovary which comes and goes. But there's no heightened sense of smell this month which is weird because I really have a good nose. The past few days are just like last month, emotionally draining. I still keep on obsessing about it, I can't stop myself. Thank God for forums and support groups and writing, it somehow eases the pain.

I'm still maintaining a positive attitude and I have my faith to hold on to. Hopefully by next week I'll be posting an image of my very first positive pregnancy test. Just thinking about it makes me smile, that's something to look forward to.

Novena to the Infant Jesus (Sto.Nino)

As promised here's a very powerful novena prayer to Sto.Nino:

Novena to Sto. Nino ( Infant Jesus):

1st day: O admirable Jesus! I know that your beauty attracts the hearts of people who have the privilege to see you. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises with the choir of Angels. And I ask you to inflame my heart in order to love you with unchangeable and burning love and thus I may be worthy of the glory of heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Infant Jesus, who came down from the bosom of the Father for our salvation, teach us how to be kind to our fellowmen. If we love each other, we shall be giving a sure proof that we belong to you. You said "By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you love one another". O Divine Infant Jesus, in your infinite goodness and kindness, listen to my humble petition; and if it be pleasing to you, grant my intention/s in this novena (mention them here). Help me, sweet Infant Jesus, for without you I can do nothing. Amen.

               Gentle Infant Jesus, I trust you! Mother of Mercy, pray for us.

2nd day: O sweet infant Jesus, your first house on earth was a cave, and your first companions were the animals. You did not mind enduring the cold and humidity of that cave and enjoyed the company of sheep, cattle and goats. You who created the heavens and the earth share the joys of the shepherd Divine Infant Jesus, in your simplicity, listen to my humble petition/s(mention them here      ). Help me, Infant Jesus, for without you, I can do nothing. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O sweet Infant Jesus, teach me the virtue of true humility. As you increased in wisdom and grace during your life in Nazareth, grant me an increase of blessings. Hear my prayer, most loving Jesus; and, if it be pleasing to you, and beneficial to me, grant my petitions in this novena (mention them here). Help me always to remember that the humble shall be exalted, and the proud shall be turned away empty. Grant me the grace in obtaining the rest to my soul which you have promised to all those who listen to your loving invitation. Amen.

               O Blessed Virgin Mary, our Immaculate Mother, pray for us! Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

3rd day: O sweet Infant Jesus! I know that because of your love for humanity, you do not deny help to everyone approaching you. You listen attentively to us because you know our needs and problems, even before saying them to you I ask you to help me become a better follower. Make me stubborn in resisting temptation and evil so that I may grow in holiness and mature in your love. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               Eternal Father, I offer to you honor and glory, for my eternal salvation and for the salvation of the world, the mystery of the infancy of your only-begotten Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. We thank you for your infinite love in sending him into this world as our Savior and Redeemer. And you, O Holy Infant Jesus, conceived in the womb of the Blessed Virgin Mary, through the work of the Holy Spirit, teach me to love you more and more. If it be for my greater honor and glory and the salvation of my soul, I humbly implore you to grant my earnest petition/s in this novena (mention them here). Sweet Infant Jesus, I place my confidence in you. Amen.

               O Blessed Virgin Mary, our immaculate Mother, pray for us! Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

4th day: O miraculous Jesus! I know that your light drives away the darkness of ignorance, and illuminates human heart and spirit. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion and sing in your honor the Divine Praises. I ask you to illuminate always my mind and my actions with your light in order that I may not stray far from the straight path and thus I may be worthy of the glory of Heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Divine Infant Jesus, you obeyed perfectly your Heavenly Father in all things. Teach me how to obey all your commandments. You were pleased to be born in a cave to free me from the darkness of sin; now graciously draw me unto you, and lend an attentive ear to my fervent supplication. If it be for your greater glory and the salvation of my soul, I humbly pray that you may grant the petition/s in this novena (mention them here). O Holy Infant, I adore you as my Creator and Redeemer, I acknowledge you as my King and Lord. Set me on fire with your love, and accept the tribute of all the affections of my poor heart. Help me to live a life worthy of your Divine Promises. Amen

               O Blessed Virgin Mary, our Immaculate Mother, pray for us! Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

5th Day: O powerful Jesus, I know that your grandeur sparkles with miracles which you demonstrated while on earth. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises with the choirs of angels in heaven. And I ask you to grant me virtues like cleanliness, goodness, and piousness which may constitute my shield against temptations, and this I may be worthy of the glory of heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Sweet Infant Jesus, you who came upon earth to teach us the way to heaven, enkindle in my heart the love of mortification, self-denial and penance. Help me to make sacrifices to gain and retain your grace. Make my soul become an altar on which I may offer you the sacrifice of my acts of mortifications. Listen, Divine Infant Jesus, to my trustful supplication. If it be pleasing to you and beneficial to my soul, grant me the intention/s in this novena (mention them here). Teach me how to fulfill your will here on earth, that one day I may come to enjoy your infinite loveliness in heaven. Amen

               Sweet Infant Jesus, have mercy on us. Mary, Queen of Martyrs, pray for us.

6th Day: O most Holy Jesus! I know that your omnipotence prevails over the hearts of men and women, inasmuch as it is created by love and greatness. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises with the choirs of angels. And I ask you to grant my desire to comply always with your commandments, and thus I may be worthy of the glory of Heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Holy Infant Jesus, I thank you for all the sufferings which you endured in this mortal life for me. At your birth, a humble manger was your cradle. Your entire life was spent among the poor, and it was for them that your greatest miracles were performed. O Prince of Peace, Redeemer of mankind, the very Son of God, I recommend my earnest petition/s to you in this novena (mention them here). Teach me to be poor in spirit that I may receive the blessed reward which you have promised. Enlighten my mind, strengthen my will, and inflame my heart with love for you. Amen.

               Mother of God, pray for me! O Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

7th day: O sweet Jesus! I know that your humility made it possible for you as the Son of God to be seated at the right hand of the Father. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises. And I ask you to allow your greatness to reside in my heart and soul, and thus I may be worthy of the glory of Heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Sweet Infant Jesus, you emptied your heart for love of me, give me a new heart with which to love you. Make known to my spirit the excellence and power of your Holy Name, so that in all the trials of this life I may pronounce it with confidence and with love. Be pleased to lend an attentive ear to my suppliant prayer; and, if it be for your glory and good of my soul, grant me the petition/s in this novena (mention them here). Now, as I leave you, gently child Jesus, help me to remember that you are our All.

               O affectionate Jesus! I know that your love for humankind is without comparison, and this is proven by your help and protection to those who have faith in you. For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises with the chorus of the Seraphim's that ardently love God. And I ask you that my love for you should not diminish so that I may never forget God, and thus I may be worthy of the glory of Heaven. Amen

               Mother of God, pray for me! O Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

8th Day: O Sweet Jesus, you know how firmly I believe in your words. You promised us eternal life, and I am obsessed to reach heaven which you give to all your faithful followers. Let me always think of heaven as my final home and let me now lose my way due to sin. Thank you for the graces you have given me throughout this novena, and may your words enlighten my mind and heart as I continue to walk as a pilgrim towards your kingdom. Amen

               Concluding Prayer

               O Sweet Infant Jesus, keep me faithful to you in every circumstance of my life, and keep me from all the occasions of sin. Knowing that you are faithful to all your promises, I am certain of receiving your priceless blessings every time I honor you. Inspire me to ask for only those graces which are in keeping with your Divine Will. As I confidently present my earnest petition/s, open the door of your merciful heart while I knock with faith and confidence (mention them here).

               Remember sweet Infant Jesus that you have promised to give whatever we ask in your Name. Now, relying upon your infinite goodness and promises I hope to obtain the pardon of my sins, the help of your grace, and life everlasting through your Divine Merits, as my lord and Redeemer. Amen.

               Mother of God, pray for me! O Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!

9th Day: O wise Jesus! I know that your wisdom was already admired, when as a child, you were lost and then found sitting among and discussing with the wise men in the Temple.

               For this reason, I adore you with fervent devotion, and sing in your honor the Divine Praises with the choirs of the Cherubs. And I ask you to grant me wisdom that I may not be deceived by the tricks of  the devil, and thus I may be worthy of the glory in Heaven. Amen.

               Concluding Prayer

               O Holy Infant Jesus, you may reveal yourself to little ones, show me your mercy and compassion. While venerating this scared mystery of your mortal life, grant that I may learn to exercise this noble virtue of mercy toward my fellow beings for the love for you. Look mercifully upon me as I kneel before you and implore your powerful assistance. If it be for your greater glory and the good of my soul, I humbly entreat you to grant my petition/s in this novena (mention them here). Teach me to be merciful for you have said: "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy". Amen.

               Mother of God, pray for me! O Holy Infant Jesus, have mercy on me!  

I started praying St. Clare's and the Sto.Nino novena for 9 days yesterday, it gives me strength and I feel that I am not alone in this. I stopped going to Quiapo church though, in this weather I'll get sick and I don't want that especially now that I'm trying to conceive. But if I get pregnant, I'll go there for sure and attend mass.  For now, I am praying the rosary, saying my novenas and praying very hard that God will grant my request this cycle.

St. Clare's Relic

The transport strike didn’t stop me from going to my Ob gyne today but before that, I went to the small chapel inside Megamall to pray and touch the relic of St. Clare.  When I heard that St. Clare's relic is in the country, I was really hoping that I would be able to see it. St. Clare is the Patron Saint of Obando where childless couple dance in the hope that their petition will be granted. She also has a monastery in Katipunan where people offer her eggs in exchange for a good weather. I was really thrilled to learn that her relic is here in the Philippines for two months, by the way she came all the way from Italy. My mom is named after her and she told me that she prayed to St. Clare for a good husband and she gave her my dad. So here I am praying for St. Clare's intercession and hopefully she will answer our petition right away. I also bought her 9 day novena prayer, for those of you interested, let me share her novena prayer:

Novena of Saint Clare of Assisi:

1st Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               O Seraphic Saint Clare, first disciple of the Poor Man of Assisi, who has abandoned all riches and honors for a life of sacrifice and of highest poverty, obtain for us from God the grace we ask( mention petition/s here) and that we too may always submit to the Divine Will and live confidently in the providence of our Heavenly Father. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

2nd Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               O Seraphic Saint Clare who, though living separated from the world, have not forgotten the poor and the afflicted but have even become a mother to them, sacrificing for them your riches and working for them innumerable miracles, obtain from God for us the grace we implore(mention petition/s here). We also ask you to give us Christian charity towards our brethren in all their spiritual and temporal needs. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

3rd Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               O Seraphic Saint Clare, light of your country you who delivered Assisi from barbarous invaders, obtain from God for us the grace we implore (mention petition/s here), that of overcoming all attacks of the world against faith and morals we may as well preserve in our families true Christian peace with a holy fear of God, and a devotion to the Blessed Sacrament. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

4th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               Blessed Saint Clare, whose very name means light, may you illumine the darkness of our minds and hearts so that we might see what God wishes us to do, and perform it with a willing and joyful heart. Before your birth, a heavenly voice foretold that you would be a light illuminating the world. Be a light to us amidst the sorrows and anxieties of this earthly life, and lead us into the eternal light of our home in heaven. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

5th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               O Seraphic Saint Clare, whose virginal heart was great enough to love the whole world, take our petitions into your pure hands and present them to God. Pray for us that we may one day enter joyously before the throne of God. Let the light of your perfect purity consume the shadows of sin and corruption that darkens the world. Intercede by your innocence for our youth. Safeguard the peace of our homes and the unity of our family. Plead with your chaste love for all in peril. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

6th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               Generous St. Clare, who left wealth and pleasure and all earthly goods to become the first spiritual daughter of Saint Francis and to serve God in the cloister, help us to commit our lives to God without limit or measure so that he may live in us and shine forth from us to all whose lives we touch. You, who loved souls so much as to make your life a continual sacrifice for them, obtain for us the graces we now implore and win for us the strength to praise God in suffering as well as in joy. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

7th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               Faithful St. Clare, loyal daughter of the Church, friend and confidante of popes, intercede for the holy Church and look graciously from heaven on our Holy Father. Enlighten us to remove from our souls all that hinders the progress of the Church on earth. Grant that we may share your great love for the Church and spread his kingdom on earth by a holy life. You, who worked miracles in the presence of the popes on earth, obtain for us the graces we need, now that you stand in the presence of the most high God in heaven. Amen.

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

8th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               Valiant Saint Clare, who fearlessly stood alone against the barbarous soldiers, trusting in the Blessed Sacrament as your only protection, enkindle in us a tender love for Jesus Christ; help us to live Eucharistic lives, You who saved your city of Assisi from plunder and ruin, protect our city and archdiocese, plead for our country and the suffering world. A voice from the Sacred Host rewarded your trust with a promise, "I will always take care of you". Glorius Saint Clare, from your high place in heaven, take care of us now in our earthly needs and guide us by your light to heaven. Amen.          

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

9th Day: O most Holy Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we praise your Holy Name and the wonders of grace you have worked in your servant, Saint Clare. Through her powerful intercession grant us the favors we beg in this novena, above all, the grace to live and die as she did in your most holy love. Amen

               Gracious Saint Clare, who fulfilled your womanhood by a life of love in prayers and penance, help us to fulfill our destiny that we may one day greet you in heaven. You, who were consoled at your death by a vision of Christ and his Mother, obtain for us the grace that we may die under the special protection of God, and enter into the life and bliss you now enjoy. Have pity on us, who struggle, on us who mourn, and win for us the favors of God so that after this life, we may come home to him who lives and reigns forever and ever. Amen

               Pray for us, Saint Clare! That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

For those of you who may want to see her relic, I heard that she will be at St. Clare's monastery in Katipunan on April 23, 2012. Call the church just to be sure.  St. Clare is only here for two months and she's been going around the country so this may be your once in a lifetime chance to touch her. I'll share the novena for the Infant Jesus (Sto.Nino) here tomorrow.

Back to my doctor's appointment, I was scheduled to have my Tvs today and I was really praying that increasing my Ovamit's usage will result to more maturing follicles. My ultrasound shows that I have 3 dominant follicles, yahoo!  One on the right which measures, 1.23 x 1.38 x 1.12 cm (1.09 cc). and two on the left, the largest is 1.79 x 1.58 x 1.65cm (2.28 cc), the 2nd largest follicle measures 1.13 x 1.04 cm. I excitedly showed the result to my OB and she said we can't proceed with IUI. I was so disappointed but she explained that by injecting Pregnyl, only one of the follicles will burst, the two will shrink. And I have three follicles it will be a waste if we proceed with IUI. So she suggested that this cycle we'll go back to basics, timed BD. Who am I to argue, she knows what she's talking about and I should just trust her. Not proceeding with IUI also saves me around Php14,000 so I shouldn't feel bad.

I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying hard for a miracle.

Useless, worthless

It's hard to deal with unemployment. The funny thing is I opted to quit my job. I wanted to spend more time with my hubby and open up my own business. I felt like the stress is killing me slowly and we are hoping that in doing so, we would finally have a baby.

But I miss earning money and being productive. I'm actually having nightmares about my previous jobs and I wake up thinking if I did the right thing. I have to think of a new business venture. When I was still working I had tons of business ideas. Now that I'm unemployed I still can't think of the right business venture for me. I mean I did, but we don't have enough money for the franchise and I don't want to risk the little savings we have left. So I must think of a business venture that doesn't include franchising and as much as possible includes a small capital.

What about going back to work? I thought of this, a thousand times over and the answer is, no. I don’t want to start all over again and I'm too old to land a good job. I can only apply for a call center agent job and as much as I wanted to, I'm not fit for that kind of environment.

So what must I do? My gut tells me that I should stick with the plan. Have a baby and start my own business. If I'll able to do both, I will be deliriously happy. So I went back to my doctor last week. She was really sympathetic, she suggested IUI and though I'm having second thoughts maybe I'll give it a try. The cost is quite high and I feel for my husband but I was desperate. I was given a higher dose of Clomiphene, 3x/day for 5 days cd3-7. Premarin 3x/day from cd7-28 and Duphaston 1x/day from cd 13-28. I'll have my Tvs on cd12 which I think is way too early. I usually have my tvs done by cd13. If ever both ovaries are ovulating then that's the time that I think I'll have my Pregnyl shot and proceed with IUI next Saturday, cd 15. I'm quite apprehensive, I think the procedure is way too early. From what I researched, washed sperms only survive for 24 hours and IUI should be done 6 hours prior to ovulation to get a higher success rate. I'm also asking for a sign if we should proceed, ovulating on both ovaries with more than 1 follicle is what we are aiming for.

I'm also sick with the flu. I don't know where I caught the bug but I'm trying to rest and take plenty of liquids and Vitamin C so I don't have to go the doctor. If I don't feel better by next week then we have no choice but to postpone the procedure.

I wish I can get out of this misery. I am plagued with worry and doubts.

Here we go again...

'Lo and behold here comes AF. I was crying my heart out yesterday when I started spotting and I knew we didn't make it this month. But I still took the test this morning and as usual there's only one line and then came the cramps and more blood. I won't be going to my usual work up this month. It's too much for me and I don't want to stress myself with the timing Bd, medicines and hope. I'll try taking Fertility Blend this month, I bought 3 bottles of this and I still haven't started. I don't want to waste money especially now that I'm not bringing any money in. I'll Bd with passion this month and I'll try not to think about it too much. I'll also focus on starting a small business so I won't feel useless and get depress. I'll be pregnant too, maybe not this year but soon. If not, we can always adopt.